Thursday, May 26, 2005

Le Sigh

I remember one of those old Looney Tunes shorts with PePe Le Pew where he said that. Even as a kid I always thought it was hilarious. As and adult (well, sort of) I always think about it when I have a day like today.

I spent most of the day "getting things done", as they say. I worked on my car this afternoon, replaced my brake pads, which had become inexplicably cracked, and squeeled like the dickens, I could no longer take it, so I replaced 'em. I had to take my car somewhere to get the line bled, I can change the pads, but haven't a clue how to bleed the brakes, I'm a walking oddity.

Then I went to work Fun!

I got home, too tired to blog, but I had other obligations to fulfill too, so I finished up one of them, and I have to say, I'm proud of it. As proud as I've ever been of anything i've written. You'll all be seeing it soon enough.

As great as all that felt (nothing makes you feel better, in my opinion, than accomplishing something), the day still has a black shroud over it.

My motto has always been "there's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about" when it comes to things like this, but I still can't help but worry. My brother has been having some problems lately that might be indicitive of a relapse (for those not in the know, he had lymphoma, and has been cancer free for almost four years now). In between my activities today I went to the hospital with him to set up an appointment.

It's a scary thing. I hope beyond hope that there is indeed nothing to worry about, but having gone down this road with him before, I know that if there is something to worry about, it's one of those things that keeps you up at night. I feel for him, and at times like this I'm glad we are twins, it makes the journey seem less lonely having someone so close to you right there.

I hope all of you out there with family never take for granted the time you get to spend with them. I used to, until i almost lost my brother to cancer. I honestly can't imagine my life without him in it.

Not to say those with siblings won't understand, but being a twin really is different. He is me and I am him. We are two parts of the same whole. It's weird, and so very comforting at the same time. There's a bond there that's unexplainable, I don't share it with either of my sisters, but I do with my brother.

I know him better than I know myself, and vice versa. We're both stubborn as hell, so there's no doubt in my mind that he can get through this again, if it is indeed a relapse, but I hope beyond hope that it isn't. As a good friend of mine told me a few days ago, if you're any good at praying, do so now. If not, cross your fingers and repeat after me, le sigh.

I hope to actually get to those mixed bag CDs tomorrow, as well as finish off my next one. My internet seems to be holding up lately, but I'm sure I just cursed myself there. So, yeah, even more tomorrow!


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